Celebrity Status

I gave you two introspective posts (TWO!) that were about as unselfish as I know how to be. I’m sure a year from now I will look back at my writings of yesterday and Tuesday and say, “OH MY CHICKEN TASTES SO TERRIBLE I CAN NOT BELIEVE I PUBLISHED THAT.” *

So, since I’ve been generous for 2 days, I’ve pretty much earned the right to be selfish. Earned it, guys! So, here is a selfish disclosure: I wish I were a Rock Star. And not like the drunk out of my mind can’t function rock star. I just want to be the sleep until mid morning, then lay around until I’m too hungry to be lazy in bed anymore, wear whatever I want all day and then go out later that evening, and make $500,000 for playing guitar and singing songs about how cool I was in high school Rock Star. I’d mix in a workout and hot shower in there somewhere, but probably not every day.

So here is the disappointing part of the story: I can play zero instruments. I really can’t sing that great either. I can sing loud though, so that’s a bonus. Also, I’m 37 and I’m not really in love with the whole being broke for a long time before you ever make any money part of being a rock star. So, anyway, I’ve given up on that dream which was completely never going to happen.

There’s a point to this, so just stick around. Monday is Read Across America day and I will go to a local elementary school and read some books to different elementary school age kids and hang out. It will be the best anti-depressant that you can’t buy. For a few brief moments, I will be the most popular kid in school. Kids will push and shove just to get close enough to touch me. Flashes will go off as the paparazzi takes pictures of the celebrity reader who came to visit a class full of first graders. For a couple of hours, I will be a rock star . (You can be one too!)

Then for lunch one day next week, I’ll go back to the school and sit with a 4th grader and hang out during their lunch. We’ll play games. (If you’re a little rusty on how the games work, don’t worry, the rules are very flexible and you can never win. It’s totally rigged.)  No one asks me about business or current events and no one cares about politics. We talk about cool stuff like dirt bikes and basketball and lie about huge fish we have caught and then talk about the biggest holes we have ever dug.

It’s all the fun stuff that I want to do and talk about. There is no serious adult business going on whatsoever. For a couple of hours every week, I don’t have to be an adult. I can pretend that I’m a carefree Rock Star who is popular wherever he goes and doesn’t have to be back at the office for a 1:30 meeting or spend the afternoon preparing for an important appointment, or any other boring adult responsibilities that we all have and are no fun whatsoever.

Underneath it all, I’m really just a big selfish jerk. And every time I walk out of the school, it reminds me that none of the important tasks of the day are really so important. And if a jerk like me can spread a little kindness and maybe make the world a better place, then anyone can. And that’s not a bad deal at all.

Thanks for reading,



*Don’t even bother attempting to find anything from any of the previous blogs I’ve ever written. I’ve put it all on lockdown where only I know how to find it. (P.S. – Don’t try to impress me with your ability to find stuff, internet jerks. I’m sure someone somewhere has an archived copy of my terrible myopic, navel-gazing words, and when I become a millionaire rock star I will pay you handsomely to please please please destroy it all.)

**I have no idea if circular paradox is a thing at all but it sounded smart when I said it aloud